A Difficult Decision...

The last few weeks have been filled with many emotions. As many of you may already know, Brianna's left hand has continued to weaken. She is no longer able to text or send messages with her phone. She struggles to even really use her phone anymore. This has been very difficult for her as she has enjoyed the support she has found through many of you. Unfortunately, Brianna's balance has also continued to decline as well as the control of her bladder and bowels. This has been very difficult for her and very challenging for those who provide her with care.

Because of the increasing difficulties, we decided to reach out to Dr. Jenkins, Med Oncologist, to determine what options we had whether it be Home Health or Palliative care. We started having some pretty in depth conversations regarding treatment and possible outcomes. Brianna's medical team does not feel chemo would add any benefit at this time. They feel it would only make her suffer through chemo to end with the same result. As such, we have decided to forgo chemotherapy. Brianna has decided to no longer consider any treatments and to enjoy precious time with family while she still can. This may have been and will likely be one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make. Even now, my soul pains knowing what this likely means. Today, I signed papers to admit Brianna into a hospice program. She felt this was the best option moving forward and would allow her to have some comfort while she enjoys time here while she still can. We both recognize and understand what this means and we felt the weight of this decision and continue to feel the weight of this decision. We have prayed, fasted and even gone to the temple to know the will of the Lord and we feel this is the best decision we can make at this time with the knowledge that we have. Although we feel this is the right decision, it unfortunately has not made the decision any easier.

Hospice nurses will start coming 2-3 times a week to check in with Brianna and give any follow up care that may be needed. There will also be aides that come on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to help take care of Brianna's personal needs such as bathing and any other help she may want. We will be using Hospice Brazos Valley and they have been a huge blessing to our family already. They are going to provide a new wheelchair which is needed as well as a bed that will better suit Brianna's needs. She no longer can sit up on her own in bed and this bed will allow her to adjust the bed so she can rest more easily as well as sit up and rest in bed instead of always moving to a chair. This will be a huge blessing for her. They also informed us that because they are a non-profit organization, they will only bill insurance. Anything that the insurance doesn't pay, they will simply write off and we will not be responsible for it. What a blessing indeed.

I am sure many of you are wondering what is the prognosis or time frame? To be honest, we have not been given a time frame and right now we simply want to spend time together as family and not worry about any of that. We will know when it is time and that is all that matters right now. I can tell you that over the last few weeks Brianna has gotten weaker and she is sleeping more again. She typically sleeps until 10-11, wakes up and eats breakfast/lunch, takes a nap from 1-4, eats dinner, spends some time with the boys and me and the retires to bed between 8-9 most nights. Obviously this isn't always the same schedule. She didn't wake up till 11:30 today but this is her new normal at the moment. We will continue to watch and monitor how she is feeling. One of the greatest mercies from the Lord is that she has not felt any pain during this process and I hope that continues to be the case.

To those of you who feel we are giving up. I am sorry you feel that way. I know how easy it is to believe you would do something differently if you were in her case. I felt that way a few times throughout this trial. Unfortunately, we really don't know what we would do in this situation because it isn't happening to us and we are not her. She is so very tired of suffering. She has lost the use of her left hand, right hand, right foot, left eye and most of the use of her right eye. She feels she can never speak clearly enough for anyone to understand and she feels that she can never get her thoughts out of her head clearly like she would like to. In all reality, Brianna isn't giving up. She has been fighting this whole time and she has made a decision to not do any treatments that can't give her any real benefits. She has chosen to spend precious time with family and accept the will of the Lord. If He intends to heal her, He will. If it is His will for her to return home, His will be done. We are choosing to accept the will of the Lord and choose to live life the best we can now. We will never give up. Not on each other, not on our children, not on the Lord. We are united in our decision and we will continue to love and endure to the end.

Now with that said, we feel so blessed by the prayers and support each of you have given us. Even know we can feel uplifted by your love and support. We are a blessed family and we know the Lord loves us. We have seen His hand in our home on a daily basis. You each have been tools in His hand to bless our home and we are forever grateful. We know that God lives. We know that God is our Loving Heavenly Father. We are indeed His children and He has a wonderful plan for each of us to return to live with Him. How grateful we are for this knowledge and the peace it brings us. We are eternal beings having a mortal experience. We were never intended to stay here. This is the not the end game. We have bigger and better things awaiting for us after this life. How grateful I am that I have such an incredible wife who chose to marry me for time and all eternity so that we can be together after this life. We love this time of year and the uplifting spirit we have felt this Christmas season. We know the true meaning of Christmas is to celebrate the life of Christ. What a remarkable gift our Father in Heaven gave us. He sent His son so that we could overcome this world and live with Him again. Our Savior loved us so much that He accepted the will of the Father and through the Atonement we can be cleansed from our sins. We can also find strength, healing and comfort. We are so blessed and we have felt the love of our Savior countless times in our home throughout this trial. Jesus is the Christ. He died for us so that we may live forever. We know that these are difficult times. We know not everyone agrees with our decisions. We know that Brianna may leave us soon...We also know that God lives and loves us. We know that this life is but a moment and that we are forever. We know that Jesus lives and loves us. We know that Brianna could wake up tomorrow and be healed if it were the Lord's will. God has been and forever will be a God of Miracles. We believe in miracles and know that Brianna could be healed. We hope for miracles but we put our faith, hope and trust in the Lord. He knows better than we do and He sees the greater purpose. We Trust in the Lord with all our hearts.

May we each rely upon the Lord and find greatest peace this Christmas Season. May we see the beautiful example of Love and Faith that Brianna is to each of us as she exemplifies how we can all become more Christlike. May each of you have a Merry Christmas and know how grateful we are for each of you.

"Still Here, Still Trying"

~ The Geddie's