Dearest Brianna #1

My Dearest Brianna,

I will never be able to express my great love for you in words. Every single cell in my body aches to be in your company. It is hard to believe that it has been a little over a month now since you left this mortal existence. I miss you so very much. You are my better half and I miss your sweet smile, you tender love and your gentle heart. You are by far my better half. I am who I am today because of your sweet love and kindness towards me. You taught me how to laugh and love and how to become the very best for you as your husband and as a father to our children. I am eternally grateful that I have you as an eternal companion. You bring me joy. You are my happiness. 

Brianna, I write to you now. These letters will be written with the intention to keep you up with what is going on in our lives. The truth is writing has always been my way of expression. As difficult as it can be at times, writing lets me dive within my very soul and express my true feelings. I am not always the best at words but I feel on the pages I find my inner voice. I write to you my eternal bride. I write so that together we can cope and accept the will of the Lord for us at this time. I write for our children, that they may know you and feel your endless love for them. It is my hope that through these letters that we will find peace, joy and ultimately healing through the trial we call life. 

In November 2018 we had your last MRI, which showed that your cancer had progressed throughout your brain. I was devastated. Although I knew this was a possibility, the truth is I wasn't ready for that moment to be so soon. There were so many things I still wanted to experience with you. There was so much I still wanted to do with you. Unfortunately our time was shortened but you faced it with such courage. You never stopped loving and never stopped trusting in the Lord. I learned so much from you Brianna. You are a stalwart servant of the Lord. I am eternally grateful that I am your companion and that I have the sacred opportunity to learn with you throughout the eternities. We met with the oncologist to discuss the possibility of chemotherapy and you were ready and willing to give it a shot. After several difficult discussions with the doctors and after much fasting and prayer wrestling with the Lord, we decided to forgo chemotherapy, as the benefits were low due to the cancer spreading as fast as it did. The decision was made to begin Hospice. Brianna, this was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made in my life. I knew that this meant we were truly going to start preparing for the inevitable outcome. Not everyone was happy with this decision but I know, my sweet bride, that we made the best decision to help us all find the peace we needed prior to your passing. 

Nurses came throughout the week as well as patient caretakers to help with your bathing but the truth is, hospice wasn't what we were expecting. Most of your care taking fell on family, which was a sacred privilege for each of us to have an opportunity to serve you. You always had a smile on your face and you were so grateful for everything we did. This was a difficult as we all watched as you continued to decline. I found peace with your family and am so grateful that we were able to come together and find it in ourselves to forgive each other so we could be together as a family and be strengthened during this time. Each day I had to make difficult choices like whether we should continue giving certain medications, taking care of certain things likes bathing, and whether we would continue to push food and drinks or not. 

While all of this was going on, I was looking for a job as my job in College Station was in jeopardy. I found and accepted a new job in Corpus Christi with Christus Health. I accepted the new position on January 25, 2019. I informed my employer and they gave me one week. My last day was on February 1, 2019. At the time, this seemed like an additional trial to have no paycheck while I waited my new start date on February 18, 2019. However, this may have been one of the greatest tender mercies the Lord gave us as a family. This allowed me to be home with you and the boys but more importantly to be with you as you prepared to return home. 

On Thursday January 31, 2019 you stopped eating food. I didn't know it then but this would be your last meal. Friday February 1 you stopped taking fluids except a syringe of water here and there. Saturday February 2 may have been one of my best days with you that we had in a long time. You had been so weak for so long but you seemed a little more chipper and you were able to tell me you loved me one more time. It will be a memory forever burning in my mind. It was a beautiful moment to hear your sweet love one more time. Saturday night you appeared to slip into a coma but by Sunday afternoon you were out of it again. I asked family to watch the boys so I could spend every moment with you by your side. I didn't want to let go. I spoke of sweet memories and laughed and cried. I asked family and friends to come and say goodbye, which was very emotional for me. Each person that entered your room assured you that they would take good care of the boys and me and I knew that they would. More importantly, I knew that you would take care of them and assure them that all would be well. Even in your "weakest" state, you were stronger than anyone I have ever known. It encourages me to push harder and become someone so much better for you. Tuesday, Feb 5 2019 you slipped into a coma again. You started having a fever of 101 and your breathing seemed to gradually get worse. I could tell we were getting closer and that time would be limited. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2019 will be a day I never forget. I woke up and you had a fever of 104.5 but you felt cold. Your breathing was very rapid. I turned on Pandora to have hymns playing in the background all morning. I had this overwhelming feeling that you would be crossing the veil soon. Truby, the hospice nurse arrived at 9:30 am. She also felt that it wouldn't be much longer, maybe a few hours. I attempted calling your parents but was not able to get them. I texted your families to let them know they needed to say their final goodbyes if they wanted to. Ricky and Chelsie called to say goodbyes. It was a tender moment and I could feel that we were all so close in that moment. They have helped me so much Brianna. They are true warriors. I am so grateful we were able to get to know them through all of this. I have come to truly love and respect them. Then Justin called to speak to you. He assured you that he and Momo would do anything to take care of me and that they would be by my side on this side of the veil as you would be on the other side of the veil. Justin reassured you that it would be okay and then he testified of the love of our Savior Jesus Christ and bore powerful witness that He lives and loves you. In tears, Truby and I administered some medicine to help you become more comfortable with your breathing. Truby left and it was just us. I held your hand and was by your side. I thought that you might want to be alone so I told you I was going out for a bit. I came back in and I could feel that you wanted me by. I came into the room and lay in the bed next to you with my head on your shoulder. Your breathing started to slow and soon you took your final breath. My heart broke. I couldn't believe you were actually gone. You were finally free from pain and sorrow and you could run and dance again!

Some say that the spirits of those who die remain near for several hours following their death. I felt great peace knowing you were not near. I knew you had been welcomed back by many who loved you and although I was saddened to not feel your presence, I knew that you were filled with joy and surrounded by those who loved you. I spent the next 20 minutes with you alone. I just wanted to be with you by myself. It was a difficult time but I wanted to just have you all to myself. My brain then went into process mode (like it normally does as you are aware) and I started going down my checklist. Call the parents and let them know of your passing, call each sibling individually to let them know, inform the bishop, call to order the casket, call hospice to let them know and try to keep breathing. It wasn't long for my mom and hospice to be at the door. Truby started charting and getting things ready for the funeral home while I continued to finish my checklist. The funeral home director showed up and prepared your body and invited me to say goodbye in the home one last time. Even now I tear up thinking of that moment. This would be the last time I would see you in our home. This would be the last time I would tell you I love you in our home. This was the last time for a lot of things. I lost it and started crying. The funeral home director just held me in his arms. I was informed that I would need to go and finalize funeral plans that afternoon if we were to have the funeral on Saturday. 

Brady Hodges and Jensen Hayter came to visit me that afternoon. Everything felt so surreal. I told them the best way to explain it was like zoning out emotionally. You know how when you zone out you can hear everything but your mind is elsewhere. I felt that I had zoned out emotionally. I knew you were gone but my spirit yearned to be with you. I felt lost without you and honestly I still do. I couldn't find my car keys, which ended up being a good thing because Jensen was able to take me to the funeral home. I really didn't need to be driving alone anyway. Isn't it funny how the Lord knows what we need even when we don't know we need something? At the funeral home we confirmed the plans for your funeral, which was a very emotional time by the way! We will have a talk about you putting me through that when we see each other again!!! The funeral director went to tally the total and came back and told me it would be $10,000 not including the casket. I pretty much expected that and knew I would figure that all out eventually. He then began to cry, which led to more crying on my part. He informed me that several donors had called throughout the day and that I would only be responsible for a portion of that cost. I LOST IT. I knew you would take care of me but I never expected that. I have never felt so touched. Brianna, we will never be able to repay all the love that has been shown to us. We have been forever blessed and I am so grateful for the love that has been shown us. 

That night, I took the boys home and explained to them that you wouldn't be coming home and that you were in Heaven with Jesus. I was terrified to be alone in our home. I knew that I would have to walk to the bedroom and sleep without you. I knew that I would have to start to breath without you and I would have to face my fear of being without you alone. (I know you are always there and always with me but you know what I mean) I could barely sleep. I just couldn't believe that you were gone. It was a long night to the rest of my life without you. If I knew my final day, I would be counting down every second till I see you again. 

We held your viewing on Friday night at the church. It was a wonderful turn out. So many people came to say their goodbyes. I was touched at how much of your family was able to make the trip. I knew how much you meant to them and I am so grateful they were able to be there. It was an emotional night. Not everything was perfect but I was with you and that was all that mattered. To be honest, I felt more lost without you that night than I have any other night so far. Almost everyone was there with his or her loved ones to say goodbye. I felt like a huge part of my life was missing and the truth is sweetie, I didn't know how to be around others without you. I know you always felt I was the "crowd pleaser" but the only reason I was so good at being with others is because I had you. You gave me strength and courage and love to be with others and I just felt lost without you by my side. 

We held your funeral service on Saturday. Not to toot my own horn but it was perfect Brianna. We held the actual service at the church. There were several beautiful musical numbers. One of them touched me because they could barely make it through the song they were so emotional. Music has always been a love of ours and it just touched me. Richelle gave the eulogy, Justin said a few words and read my poem, Teresa spoke about the wonderful plan of salvation and President Sharp said some touching words. The chapel was filled with people who had been changed and touched by your love. We then traveled to Athens for the burial. I love the cemetery there because it is in the middle of nowhere and is so peaceful and quiet. There is great peace there and I know you will love visits there. Watson had a hard time seeing you lowered into the ground but he was okay once you were buried. I think it really helped him find closure. If you ask him, he will say you are in heaven with Jesus. Saying goodbye was really hard for me. I let my dad just hold me as I cried. I didn't want to leave Brianna. I wasn't ready to face the world without you but I knew I had to for the boys. 

Family and friends started trickling out of town but Justin stayed a week to help me with the boys and pack up the house. Incredibly we were able to get it packed and into the garage in a week. I am so grateful that he could stay and take care of me and the boys as promised. It was a tough week without you, especially as family and friends left. I took Justin to the airport on Sunday and headed to Corpus Christi alone for my first week on the job. I stayed in a hotel and to be honest, although I was in this beautiful town with the ocean, all I could do each night was go to the room and think about you. I missed you so much and I just couldn't get out much. I was able to find a home for us to rent. The boys and grandma would love the place I found. It even has a man cave! haha you would love it. It has a pool table and we could play all the time!! I headed back home on Friday and spent the weekend with the boys. I then headed to Athens Sunday and visited your grave. I spent a long time there and planted some flowers. I just kept talking to you. Even now I can tell I have so much I want to tell you! I have moments during the day where I want to go and share something with you and realize you aren't here (but I tell you anyway haha) Monday I headed to Dallas for some training for the week. It was a much better week surrounded by Friends/colleagues. I was grateful for that! 

Thursday I headed back to College Station to be with the boys, pack and move to Corpus. We packed the truck Thursday night and managed to get everything in the truck! Friday morning we finished packing the little things as well as packing up mom as she is going to live with us for a while to help out and let me get my feet settled. We started what should have been a four-hour drive to corpus and took 7 hours! However we got to the house here and unloaded it in less than 2 hours. I was really proud of my packing job. You would be proud of me! I have just about unpacked everything and we are settling in nicely here. You would love it here baby. You would love the beach, the weather and the atmosphere. I am loving my new job as a process engineer with Christus and I feel that this is definitely where we are meant to be. The ward is splendid and everyone is taking care of me. Don't worry! I promise we are okay. I mean I miss you every moment of every day but I am taking good care of myself and more importantly I am taking good care of the boys! I will take care of them sweetie. I will teach them of you and we will be reunited as a family again some day! I can't wait. 

I know what you are wondering. How am I really doing? That is a difficult question sweetie. The honest truth is it is a continual roller coaster of emotions. I constantly wonder what more I could have done for you. I wonder how I could have been a better husband towards you. I think about all the shortcomings I have and why you would have ever chosen to be with me. I wonder if I had had more faith would you have been healed. I wonder if you know I love you and if you know I will always love you. I wonder how I am ever going to face this cruel world without you. I wonder how I am going to raise the boys in righteousness and help them choose the right. I wonder how I am going to help them feel your love and know how much you loved them. I wonder how I could possibly love again. I wonder how I will manage all of this and endure to the end. I wonder if you will still want me after this life. I often ponder on these things and many other things as well as taking care of the boys and doing my job. I try to keep a smile on my face and not seek attention. It is very awkward at times having to explain that you died and it feels weird at times. It still feels unreal at times and sometimes I just cry because I miss you. 

I also think about how grateful I am for YOU. How grateful I am for the 6 beautiful years we had together and for the eternities we have to look forward to after this life. I am grateful for our two beautiful boys who emulate you in every single way. I am grateful that I can see you in them and that when I look at them I can see your sweet love. I am grateful for the knowledge that we are FOREVER. That nothing, not even death can separate us. We are immoral beings having a mortal experience. I am grateful that your mortal suffering has come to an end, even though it caused my mortal suffering to be worse ;) I am grateful for the knowledge that you are watching over the boys and me. I went to the temple while in Dallas. I could feel you there and I am so grateful I could feel you so close. I know that I am not alone and I know that you are here. 

I know that God lives and that He is indeed our loving Heavenly Father. I know that He has a Plan of Happiness for us. Before this world was created, there was a plan for all of God's children to return to His presence. We had to leave to learn and grow but we have an opportunity to return home to our Father in Heaven. This is only possible because of our Savior Jesus Christ. I know He lived and that He still lives. I know that the atonement was not only for our sins but also for our suffering. I have witnessed the power of the atonement and felt the healing power of the Savior. I have witnessed His love and I will not deny that Christ lives. I know without a doubt, just as we know the sun will rise tomorrow, that God lives and loves us. I know that we will be together again one day. I know that Families are Forever and that we will embrace each other in our arms again soon. I know that as we Trust in the Lord, we will find peace and joy. As we doubt not and fear not, we can and will be filled with faith and we will find greater joy than this world can offer. 

My sweet Brianna, I miss you and I love you. I know when you are near because my spirit yearns to be with you. Thank you for loving me and showing me how to be a better man. 

Until we meet again. Come what may and love it. With ALL my love,

Geoffrey Geddie

P.s here is a song that has brought me peace recently

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ui7hacUNIpQ

My Sweet Brianna

Brianna Geddie Obituary

A Difficult Decision...

The last few weeks have been filled with many emotions. As many of you may already know, Brianna's left hand has continued to weaken. She is no longer able to text or send messages with her phone. She struggles to even really use her phone anymore. This has been very difficult for her as she has enjoyed the support she has found through many of you. Unfortunately, Brianna's balance has also continued to decline as well as the control of her bladder and bowels. This has been very difficult for her and very challenging for those who provide her with care.

Because of the increasing difficulties, we decided to reach out to Dr. Jenkins, Med Oncologist, to determine what options we had whether it be Home Health or Palliative care. We started having some pretty in depth conversations regarding treatment and possible outcomes. Brianna's medical team does not feel chemo would add any benefit at this time. They feel it would only make her suffer through chemo to end with the same result. As such, we have decided to forgo chemotherapy. Brianna has decided to no longer consider any treatments and to enjoy precious time with family while she still can. This may have been and will likely be one of the hardest decisions we have ever had to make. Even now, my soul pains knowing what this likely means. Today, I signed papers to admit Brianna into a hospice program. She felt this was the best option moving forward and would allow her to have some comfort while she enjoys time here while she still can. We both recognize and understand what this means and we felt the weight of this decision and continue to feel the weight of this decision. We have prayed, fasted and even gone to the temple to know the will of the Lord and we feel this is the best decision we can make at this time with the knowledge that we have. Although we feel this is the right decision, it unfortunately has not made the decision any easier.

Hospice nurses will start coming 2-3 times a week to check in with Brianna and give any follow up care that may be needed. There will also be aides that come on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to help take care of Brianna's personal needs such as bathing and any other help she may want. We will be using Hospice Brazos Valley and they have been a huge blessing to our family already. They are going to provide a new wheelchair which is needed as well as a bed that will better suit Brianna's needs. She no longer can sit up on her own in bed and this bed will allow her to adjust the bed so she can rest more easily as well as sit up and rest in bed instead of always moving to a chair. This will be a huge blessing for her. They also informed us that because they are a non-profit organization, they will only bill insurance. Anything that the insurance doesn't pay, they will simply write off and we will not be responsible for it. What a blessing indeed.

I am sure many of you are wondering what is the prognosis or time frame? To be honest, we have not been given a time frame and right now we simply want to spend time together as family and not worry about any of that. We will know when it is time and that is all that matters right now. I can tell you that over the last few weeks Brianna has gotten weaker and she is sleeping more again. She typically sleeps until 10-11, wakes up and eats breakfast/lunch, takes a nap from 1-4, eats dinner, spends some time with the boys and me and the retires to bed between 8-9 most nights. Obviously this isn't always the same schedule. She didn't wake up till 11:30 today but this is her new normal at the moment. We will continue to watch and monitor how she is feeling. One of the greatest mercies from the Lord is that she has not felt any pain during this process and I hope that continues to be the case.

To those of you who feel we are giving up. I am sorry you feel that way. I know how easy it is to believe you would do something differently if you were in her case. I felt that way a few times throughout this trial. Unfortunately, we really don't know what we would do in this situation because it isn't happening to us and we are not her. She is so very tired of suffering. She has lost the use of her left hand, right hand, right foot, left eye and most of the use of her right eye. She feels she can never speak clearly enough for anyone to understand and she feels that she can never get her thoughts out of her head clearly like she would like to. In all reality, Brianna isn't giving up. She has been fighting this whole time and she has made a decision to not do any treatments that can't give her any real benefits. She has chosen to spend precious time with family and accept the will of the Lord. If He intends to heal her, He will. If it is His will for her to return home, His will be done. We are choosing to accept the will of the Lord and choose to live life the best we can now. We will never give up. Not on each other, not on our children, not on the Lord. We are united in our decision and we will continue to love and endure to the end.

Now with that said, we feel so blessed by the prayers and support each of you have given us. Even know we can feel uplifted by your love and support. We are a blessed family and we know the Lord loves us. We have seen His hand in our home on a daily basis. You each have been tools in His hand to bless our home and we are forever grateful. We know that God lives. We know that God is our Loving Heavenly Father. We are indeed His children and He has a wonderful plan for each of us to return to live with Him. How grateful we are for this knowledge and the peace it brings us. We are eternal beings having a mortal experience. We were never intended to stay here. This is the not the end game. We have bigger and better things awaiting for us after this life. How grateful I am that I have such an incredible wife who chose to marry me for time and all eternity so that we can be together after this life. We love this time of year and the uplifting spirit we have felt this Christmas season. We know the true meaning of Christmas is to celebrate the life of Christ. What a remarkable gift our Father in Heaven gave us. He sent His son so that we could overcome this world and live with Him again. Our Savior loved us so much that He accepted the will of the Father and through the Atonement we can be cleansed from our sins. We can also find strength, healing and comfort. We are so blessed and we have felt the love of our Savior countless times in our home throughout this trial. Jesus is the Christ. He died for us so that we may live forever. We know that these are difficult times. We know not everyone agrees with our decisions. We know that Brianna may leave us soon...We also know that God lives and loves us. We know that this life is but a moment and that we are forever. We know that Jesus lives and loves us. We know that Brianna could wake up tomorrow and be healed if it were the Lord's will. God has been and forever will be a God of Miracles. We believe in miracles and know that Brianna could be healed. We hope for miracles but we put our faith, hope and trust in the Lord. He knows better than we do and He sees the greater purpose. We Trust in the Lord with all our hearts.

May we each rely upon the Lord and find greatest peace this Christmas Season. May we see the beautiful example of Love and Faith that Brianna is to each of us as she exemplifies how we can all become more Christlike. May each of you have a Merry Christmas and know how grateful we are for each of you.

"Still Here, Still Trying"

~ The Geddie's

Wildfire...

I know that I promised that this blog would be an interview with Brianna but there have been some updates that needed to be shared first. I will be doing an interview with Brianna for the next blog though so please post your questions in the comments!

As I mentioned in the last post, Brianna's balance has been off for the last several weeks. Two weeks ago she was walking to the bedroom when she lost her balance and fell. Unfortunately she fell really hard on her foot. She has done this a few times and we decided that we would give it a day or two see if it was just a sprain or something worse. After a few days her foot was still pretty bruised and causing her a lot of pain so I decided to make a couple of calls. I called the Ortho office manager and got Brianna a time to go and get an X-ray in the Ortho office. When we got to the office, the elevator wasn't working. The office was on the second floor and with Brianna's poor balance and hurt foot, going up the stairs really wasn't an option. I made a quick decision and lifted Brianna up like a fireman and carried her up the stairs so we could get her to the office. (I felt awesome!) Anyway, we got her in there and got the X-ray. The doctor was out of the office because he wasn't feeling well but he was very generous and checked them while out of the office and informed us that Brianna had a 5th metatarsal fracture on her foot. AKA Broken! She was put in a boot and has been wearing it ever since. She seems to be doing better and it seems to be healing well. She will follow up in two weeks to make sure it healed properly. Luckily she didn't need to have surgery because that would have been really hard! She has been a real trooper. She hates the boot but has been handling it well. I will keep you updated as always!

Over the last several months, Brianna's balance is not the only issue she has been having. Her vision has been causing her some issues. She got new glasses in September that really seemed to help her but as of late, she already feels that they aren't as good. It seems that her vision has been getting drastically worse. Over the last few weeks she has also started feeling some weakness in her left hand (the good hand) and feels that her fine motor skills are getting worse every day. Brianna had an MRI yesterday and we met with Dr. Goble today. We found out today that Brianna's cancer has spread to several different areas of her brain. There are several new tumor sites as well as "flairs" (different areas that light up but aren't mass forming). Dr. Goble explained that surgery is still not an option due to how deep the tumors remain. We also found out that the cancer has spread even further in her brainstem. This was pretty shocking news for us today. Dr. Goble also explained that radiation is not an option because it has not even been a year since she finished the last round of radiation plus any additional radiation would probably fry her brain. Dr. Goble stated that there are really only two options: 1. Chemotherapy in hopes that it would work on the cancer and slow or stop the growth and 2. Move into Hospice when the time is right. After discussing our options, we feel it is time to stop Protocel and begin Chemotherapy. We are not ready to give up this fight and we want to try all of our options. After we left Dr. Gobles office, we set up an appointment with Dr. Jenkins (Medical Oncologist) for Monday. Although this isn't the happiest of news, this is all the updates we have right now. What does all of this mean? Will chemo work? Will she regain any of her strength back? Unfortunately only time will tell and we can only continue to hope and pray.

We wanted to tell each of you how much we appreciate you. We feel your prayers, we see your faith and we appreciate all you do for us. We know that this has been difficult for all of us. We continue to pray for peace and understanding and we hope that you will continue to do that as well. This last week I have been thinking about the story in the Bible where Jesus is sleeping on the boat at sea and His disciples get scared when the storm comes. The line that keeps coming back to me is "Master, carest thou not that we perish?". They ask Him this because He is sleeping through the storm while His disciples are scared of what is going on. I think we often feel like this. When the storm comes, in form of trials whatever that is for each of us, we wonder where God is. We may even question if God was a loving God, why would He allow such things to happen to His children. I don't have all the answers, but as I have been thinking this last week I have come to a deeper knowledge and understanding of the Love Heavenly Father has for His children. We are not alone in the storms. In fact, He is even closer when we go through the storms. Without the storms, we cannot be made stronger and we cannot see the beauty that comes following the storms. We are often given a chance to see what we are capable of and given opportunities to be strengthened in the storms. When we need Him, He is there. As long as we continue to put our trust and faith in Him, we find strength and make it through the storm. We know that our life has been through a curveball but we trust in the Lord with all of our Hearts. We know that God lives and that He loves us. He knows each one of His children and He knows our needs. We are not alone in this storm and we have been blessed abundantly over the last year. We know that God has a plan of Happiness for us to return to live with Him. We may not always feel it is a plan of Happiness but the true happiness comes from the fact that we are forever and we can be together as an eternal family forever. We know that with God, we can do all things.

Thank you for your continued support and for your love. We will never be able to explain what it means to us and to our family. May we each find peace and joy this time of year.

~The Geddie's

Giving Up...

Time is a fascinating thing. Somedays, it feels like time stops and yet other days it feels as though time fast forward faster than we ever wanted it to. Time truly is a remarkable thing. We yearn for more time but we also yearn for it to speed up. We tend to never be grateful for the time we have right now.

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since Brianna's diagnosis. It feels like just yesterday we were at the Mayo Clinic trying to figure out what was going on with Brianna. Oh how the time has passed by. Our lives changed forever when she was diagnosed with cancer. There is not a single day that goes by that we don't think about how much has changed. There are good days and there are bad days. Some days we love and enjoy every moment. Other days we struggle to find peace with the situation. Brianna's life has forever been changed by the cancer. It has changed her physically and mentally. It has taken its toll on her. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to watch. She feels trapped in a broken body but she keeps going every day and that is something remarkable. Brianna still has her weakness in her right hand and leg. She struggles with her balance most days. She actually has been struggling more lately with her balance. It is not uncommon for her to fall almost daily. Sometimes it is just a fall onto the couch or the bed but other days it is a complete fall onto the floor. Most times she gets by without any injuries and other times she gets pretty hurt. She recently had a fall and landed poorly on her right foot. It is pretty bruised and sprained right now. I know that only makes it harder for her. I do everything I can to encourage her and uplift her. She is tired a lot and feels like she doesn't always have the strength to do what she wants. With all that said, we are still trying to find peace and happiness and enjoy our lives together with our two beautiful sons.

Watson and Eli are doing very well. Watson has started to show his personality as well as test the boundaries his parents give him. We still love him though. Eli is growing up so fast. Hard to be live Eli is about to be 1 and Watson about to be 3. Eli is crawling all over the place and pulling himself up anytime he gets the chance. It won't be long until he is walking. Both the boys are growing too fast and I feel I never get enough time to just stop time and enjoy each minute with them.

Brianna continues to take her protocel. She stopped taking the enzymes because she didn't feel they were helping and she disliked having to take them when she did. She seems happier when she is off them as she gets tired of having to remember to take them so often. We are also trying to have a good balance with sugar. We don't eat it all the time but I do make cookies occasionally and she seems to like that. We had an interesting conversation last night. She asked me if I am having to get to know her all over again. She recognizes that some things have changed and she isn't exactly who she used to be. I told her it does feel like that at times. The truth is, it is like falling in love with her all over again. I don't always handle the stress of my life very well and I know I don't tell her enough but I love her so much and I hate that this happened to her. I wish it were me instead. I wish I could take it all away. Unfortunately that is not the ability I have. I am amazed at how she continues to push forward each day. I know she struggles most days because she feels trapped in broken body but she tries to stay positive and she doesn't really let it ever get to her. I am grateful for her in my life and I know that I have become a better person because of her. I know that we are forever and I am so happy to have her in my life.

Brianna has another scan at the end of the month. We are hoping for some good news! We are a little concerned with her falling lately. It would be nice if there were any explanations for that. She definitely seems weaker in some areas but my guess would be the scan is similar to the last one. We have set her up with physical therapy again so hopefully that will really help her to stop falling! I have a new job and the new location is a lot closer to home so that should really help her not feel so tired having to get to physical therapy let alone all the therapy she will be doing! I am hoping this will be really beneficial for her and allow her to regains some of her strength.

For a while over the last year, we both kind of gave up. We both felt that nothing was going to ever get better and we fell in the trap of self pity. We often felt why try when it isn't ever going to get better. Why push ourselves when nothing we do really matters. We both want this to be over and just be able to move past this. We often wonder what the end result will be and if she will actually win this fight. You may be thinking how could we ever think that and why would we think those thoughts. The truth is, it went through our minds a lot. We often wonder what life will look like 5 years from now. Will Brianna be better? Will she be the same? Will she be worse? Will she still be here? Unfortunately these thoughts came into our lives and we allowed them to take over. We felt like giving up and not even trying. It is impossible to share my feelings through words to truly describe how we felt. We felt as though we had lost everything and our hearts were heavy with the weight of what we have been given.

As we continued each day at a time, we finally realized that this is not what we are meant to be. We are children of God and He loves us as we are. He doesn't expect us to be perfect and He loves us no matter what. He never said this life would be easy. He never said we would walk through life unscathed. We were never promised an easy life. We were promised a beautiful opportunity to love, to learn, and to better understand His love and grace. We are so grateful for the life we have together and with our children. We are so grateful for this blessed opportunity to learn together. Although it isn't easy at times, we are grateful for who we are becoming. We are both learning on a daily basis and becoming better because of it. We are grateful for blessings in disguise. We listen to some of our church leaders and they said that asking why doesn't change the circumstances but makes us question who we are in relationship to Heavenly Father. We choose to no longer give up. We are going to continue this fight and enjoy each day as we are granted one. There is no reason to give up or give in. We trust the Lord and we will continue to stand firm in the faith that God is our loving Heavenly Father and that Jesus Christ knows our pain and suffering. We know that there is nothing we can' overcome with the Lord. We are blessed to have this knowledge and we know it to be true.

"Still Here, Still Trying"

~The Geddie Family

P.S. I will be doing an interview with Brianna for the next Blog Post so please comment below any questions you may have. THANKS!

Everyday is a second chance

Where should I begin? So much has happened in the last few months and I feel a little guilty for not keeping up to date with my entries. 

Update for Brianna

Brianna continues to take her alternative treatment, Protocel, on a daily basis. It’s a liquid that she drinks with water every 6 hours. She is also taking enzymes prior to each meal. The enzymes were suggested by the same company that provides the Protocel. They suggest that the enzyme will help remove waste being produced by the Protocel creating cells to lyse. Brianna is also doing another type of treatment called Low Dose Naltrexone. This one is pretty simple. All she has to do is take a pill each night and the theory is that it will lower her endorphins enough for her body to fight off the cancer. There really hasn't been much change in that part of her treatment. Over time we have worked on getting her off the steroids. It has been a bumpy battle but I think we are getting there. Lately Brianna seems to have a bit more energy and has been able to think more clearly. It has been really nice. She still isn't back to normal though. It seems to me (and I am no doctor) that the effects of radiation have finally worn off. She no longer seems to be as fatigued and her brain fog has for the most part cleared up which is really good. However, her eye is still shut, she still has the eye palsy, and her hand and leg both are still very weak. After discussing this with Brianna, she and I agree that she is about the same was she was when we got back home from the Mayo Clinic. Therefore we think the effects of radiation have worn off but we will take it! What a blessing it is to have even this small miracle. Brianna had another MRI back in March. The doctor told us that there didn't seem to be any new growth at the time which was great news! However, he did inform us that he expects the cancer to eventually start growing again. He explained to us that Brianna does not have a good cancer if there even can be a good cancer. He told us that once the cancer starts growing again, he expects it to take Brianna's life. That was a lot to take in. We decided that we could fear that day or just live one day at a time and enjoy the moments we have. There is no telling what is in store for us and what God intends to happen, but we continue to trust Him and enjoy each day as a precious gift from God. In all reality, that is what each day is anyway. 

Brianna has another MRI scheduled for May 18, 2018 so we will continue to monitor and go from there. Brianna's parents have encouraged Brianna to do a HCG test to monitor if the alternative treatment is working. The test is performed from the urine and is sent to the Philippines for testing. Supposedly the test looks at the amount of HCG in the urine and there is a number associated with the amount. If the amount is greater than 50 (I am not sure what the units are) then the patient has cancer. The point is to do the test every few months to determine if the number is getting smaller and if it gets below 50 then they suggest that Brianna would be cancer free. Outsmart Your Cancer, a book with alternative treatments, such as Low Dose Naltrexone and Protocel; explain that an MRI really can't tell you if your cancer is getting better or worse because it only shows an image. It explains that Protocel works slowly and the effects will be similar to an Ice Cube. When an ice cube is put on the counter, it will start to melt slowly. As it does, it creates a puddle and even though the size may look bigger or the same, the ice cube is actually getting smaller. That is the idea with the tumor. As Protocel lyses the cells, there is waste from the cells breaking open which in turn needs to be removed but that takes time. Therefore an MRI could make it appear that the tumor is growing. This is the information that the book provides and I am merely giving the information from its point of view. Brianna is still deciding as to whether she feels this test would be beneficial or not. Other than that, Brianna's treatment remains about the same. As always, if there are any questions regarding her treatment please let me know and I will be more than happy to provide. 

Disney World

When Brianna delivered Eli, I started thinking about how we could really use a trip to just enjoy our time together. Too long I have put off trips or vacations because of school and work and family. I felt this was an opportune time to get away together. For those of you who don't know, Brianna and I went to Disney World for a whole week during our 5 year anniversary. When I started thinking about the trip, my first thought was how am I going to pay for this? I started doing research and there are companies like "Make a Wish Foundation" but for adults. I reached out to one of those foundations called "Dream Foundation". They were gracious enough to accept out case and provide transportation to and from Disney World as well as pay for a day at the parks. That really got the ball rolling. We ended up staying for a week and enjoyed 5 days at the parks. As I have never been one to keep things short and I for some reason have come to enjoy being transparent with my life, I thought I would share our trip! Oh and Brianna knew that we were going to Disney but that is all I told her. The daily activities were planned without her knowledge as surprises for her!

Tuesday April 10, 2018 (Disney Springs)

We were lucky enough to fly out of College Station instead of having to drive 2+ hours to a major airport. That was all thanks to Dream Foundation. We left College Station at 6 am for a quick flight to Houston. From Houston we had a nice 2.5 hour flight to Orlando. As Brianna's walking is great and she runs out of energy quickly, we decided to bring a wheelchair with us for her comfort. When we were married, my mother purchased bride and groom mickey ears even though we didn't go to Disney. We thought this would be a perfect occasion to wear them so we did. However, everyone thought we had just gotten married which made us laugh. Brianna slept most of the way there and I read and watched a movie. As we were approaching the Orlando airport, there was a lot of lightning. I have never been so close to lightning, especially in the clouds! It was crazy. When we landed, we had to wait on the runway because all of the workers had been told to go inside due to the amount of lightning. We had to wait until a worker in a vehicle could tow us to the gate. Once at the gate, we had to wait another 15-20 minutes before we could get off. Then the fun really began. Because of the lightning, the workers were not going to unload the luggage. This wasn’t going to be a problem for us because Disney had provided luggage tags for our bags and they were going to deliver them to us. However, the wheelchair was under the plan and Brianna very much needed it for our trip so we couldn’t just leave without it. We were informed that it would be delivered to baggage claim. We went down to baggage claim and we were told that they were not sure as to how long we would have to wait. We went and got lunch and then sat and waited….for almost 3 hours. The storm finally passed and we got the wheelchair and headed for the bus that would take us to the resort. Disney is now using magic bands (a wristband you wear that you can use for paying for things, reserving things and so forth and it is similar to apple pay) for everything. In order to get on the bus we had to use our magic band which allowed them to see our reservation. We boarded a charter bus and headed to the resort. We ended up staying at the All Start Music Resort which was a lot of fun and honestly pretty cheap ;) When we arrived, we got in line to check in. I had already done most of the check in online so that went smoothly. They also gave us “happily ever after” pins to wear to celebrate our anniversary. When we arrived at our room I was pleasantly surprised. I had reserved a room with two queen beds as a king bed was at least another $100 a night and I just didn’t think that was necessary. However, because of our situation, they had upgraded us to a king for free! So nice! We also had some goodies awaiting us like a note from Mickey himself, a few mugs, a picture frame and some food. It was a great start to a wonderful vacation. After Brianna got some rest, we headed to Disney Springs which does not require a ticket. It is the Disney Outlet center basically. We spent the evening there enjoying the stores and environment. We had dinner at a pizza place and just walked all over the place. We even saw a man acting like a statue and it seemed so real! After a long day of travel, we were ready to go back to the resort. We didn’t have a rental car as we decided to use the bus system that is provided by the resort. The buses come every 10-15 minutes which makes it easy and convenient. Back at the hotel we relaxed and got ready for the next day…

Wednesday April 11, 2018 (Animal Kingdom)

We woke up and got ready to go the park. We went to the resort lobby where the cafeteria is and had breakfast. I had the greatest breakfast sandwich that probably will give me a heart attack later in life. It was: biscuit, gravy, tater tots, sausage links, fried chicken, bacon, egg, gravy, cheese and biscuit. It was HUGE and it tasted so GOOD! Brianna had waffles….not the same Haha. Anyway….y’all know I love food. Remember those pizzas at the Mayo Clinic…..Anyway…. We headed to Animal Kingdom and spent the whole day there. We saw Pocahontas, Russel from Up, and Mickey and Minnie in the Safari. I rode Dinosaur the ride without Brianna and thought that she would be okay riding it so I took her back to it later (still kind of questionable if that was okay). We went to watch Finding Nemo the Musical which is hands down one the best shows I have ever seen, maybe better than the ones I saw on Broadway. Animal Kingdom has a new land made after the Land of Avatar from the movie so we went there next. I rode one of the rides without Brianna because it was a thriller ride and her doctor told her to avoid those. I am glad that Brianna didn’t go because it was 3D and very rough. Following that ride, we went to have lunch at an Avatar themed restaurant. Weirdest meal I will probably ever have….I got a salad thinking I would still try and be healthy on my trip. That ended that…. They died all of the vegetables different colors and it just tasted weird. Although, Brianna really liked it so maybe it was just me. It was a fun lunch though as it was themed like the movie. Following lunch we did one more ride in Avatar land and then we went back to the resort so Brianna could rest. After her nap, we headed back to Animal Kingdom. We went to Africa where we rode through the safari. It was really cool. They have lots of wild animals and it’s a good 25 minute tour which was a lot of fun. We then went to Asia and I rode Everest, again a thriller ride, which I remember riding as a kid when my family went. Brianna and I then went and got a mickey pretzel. It is okay but REALLY salty. We did enjoy the snack though. Then we went and walked around the park as the sun set and enjoyed seeing the night life come to life. The Tree of Life in the park comes to life at night with lots of colors and we enjoyed watching it. We decided to stick around for the 10:20 water show. We got really good seats and enjoyed what has become one of my favorite shows that Disney does. It was all on water and it was just beautiful. They would spray water from cannons and use projectors to portray the movie on the mist from the water. It is way cooler than I am explaining. I will try to add a clip. Needless to say, we loved our first day at Disney and we were excited for more. Oh and we got a memory maker which pays for any photos the professionals take and so one of Brianna’s jobs was to be on the lookout for the professionals so we could get some good photos.

Thursday April 12, 2018 (Epcot)

Let the surprises begin. I hadn’t really planned anything special for Animal Kingdom but oh did I ever for Epcot. We had to be at the park no later than 8:20 which was fun being able to walk the park before all the guest arrived at 9. We had breakfast reservations in Norway. Here we had breakfast with Belle, Snow White, Aurora and Ariel. Breakfast was really good too! When we saw Belle I informed her that my princess Brianna was fighting cancer and she came to visit her and her friends. Belle took it upon herself to get all the princesses together to take photos with Brianna. They don’t normally do that so that was really sweet. Brianna loved it. They also gave us a card with all their autographs which we cherish. Our waitress was wonderful as well and gave us a free pass to Soaring a ride that Brianna was really excited about. We went to go ride soaring and decided to do the Finding Nemo rides first. Those were really cute. Then we went to ride soaring but decided to eat lunch first. I will admit that we ate too much but it was SO good. I had some macaroni and cheese freshly made, a BBQ pork sandwich and Brianna had a HUGE ham and turkey sandwich. Brianna also had a lovely piece of cheesecake for dessert. Following lunch we went to ride Soaring (which probably wasn’t the best idea on a full stomach but we lived to tell the tale). Soaring is like experiencing hang gliding. It was so cool. We went around the world and as we went different places our senses were engaged. What I mean is like when we would travel over the ocean we would smell the ocean and the ride would mist as a wave splashed so it felt just like we were there. We wanted to do it again but didn’t have enough timeL. Following Soaring, it was time for Brianna to go have her nap. Following her nap at the resort we headed back to Epcot. Once there, we rode mission space which is a ride about the advances that humans have made especially in technology that have gotten us to where we are now. I ended with us being in the big Epcot ball which was pitch black looking at earth. It was really pretty. Following that, we headed to the Frozen ride! I mean who doesn’t love Frozen. That was a really fun ride similar to splash mountain. And yes, I did sing and I am not ashamed! After the ride, we just had to go see Anna and Elsa. We waited for a while but it was a lot of fun spending some time with them. Then we went to get ready for the fire and laser light show. After I got Brianna in place, I went to get us a snack. We had some cheese fries, a spicy hot dog and frozen lemonade as well as a cinnamon roll. I am telling you that salad at Avatar ruined it for me Haha The light show was good but not as good as Animal Kingdom. Following the light show, the park was closing so we headed back to the resort exhausted but ready for another wonderful day!

Friday April 13, 2018 (Magic Kingdom)

Happy 5 Years Brianna. I cannot believe how time has flown by. I couldn’t have a happier marriage and I could not be with anyone that loves me more than you! We had to wake up early again for a special breakfast. We headed to Magic Kingdom where we headed straight for the castle. I didn’t know this until this trip but you can have breakfast in the castle with Cinderella. How great is that! Brianna’s favorite princess is Cinderella. We met Cinderella first before having breakfast. She was so sweet and so kind. Again we told her why we had come to visit her kingdom and she just felt so sincere. She spent extra time with Brianna and I just loved it! After spending time with Cinderella we went upstairs in the castle for breakfast. I wouldn’t say it was amazing food but it was good. While there we were visited by other princesses such as Aurora, Snow White, Ariel and Jasmine. They were each as nice and lovely as when we saw them before. Following breakfast we went and rode the Jungle Cruise. That was a really funny ride. It is jam packed with dad jokes. My kind of entertainment. Then we went and rode Splash Mountain. Brianna loved it! I mean I did too but it was nice to see her laugh and smile and not give a care in the world about anything else. We then met Mary Poppins after floating in with her umbrella. She was very nice and invited us to tea but we were unable to attend ;) By this point Brianna was pretty tired so we headed back to the resort. After her long nap, we went back to the park. We started by riding it’s a small world and then we went to visit Ariel. We rode the ride first and then met Ariel. That was a lot of fun. I am used to Ariel having something to cover the bare skin but this Ariel wasn’t like that so I didn’t lean in to touch her at all. After we left, Brianna said “Did you feel how soft her skin was?” I was like “NO! I didn’t touch her! Haha”. It was really funny. We roamed around the park and then rode the Haunted Mansion. We then decided to go watch the firework show. It has been about 11 years since I have been and boys have things changed. They project an entire show/movie on the castle now and it is incredible. I am so glad we got to see it. Following the show, we headed back to the resort and feel right to sleep.

Saturday April 13, 2018 (Magic Kingdom)

We had to be at the park bright and early for breakfast with Winnie the Pooh and friends. That was a lot of fun but more importantly, really good food. This was a buffet style which is my favorite! We met Tigger, Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore, and Piglet. Following breakfast we went and rode Splash Mountain again. Then we went to ride Pirates of the Caribbean. Then we went to visit Belle in her Castle. That was really fun! The ride really isn’t a ride it is more of an interactive show with Belle retelling her story. It was a lot of fun even for two old married people with no kids with them. Following our visit with Belle, we headed to the kitchen in Belle’s Castle. We ordered lunch and had a sandwich to share as we were still pretty full from breakfast. However, we also ordered the grey stuff although it was good I wouldn’t say it was delicious. Then we went and met my favorite princess Merida from Brave. She is so awesome! She kept telling me to keep a look out for her brothers as they always get into mischief. She was really sweet. Brianna had agreed to try taking a nap at first aide. We informed they had places to rest for these exact situations. While she napped, I went to ride all the thriller rides she couldn’t’ go on like Space Mountain. No joke, I rode Space Mountain at least 10 times while we were there at Disney. When Brianna woke up we went and watched the afternoon parade and enjoyed seeing our favorite characters. We then went to ride Big Thunder Mountain which I didn’t think was that much of a thriller ride (still not sure if that was a good choice for Brianna but here we are). We then had to head out of the park for dinner. We were having a dinner at the Grand Floridian Resort. We rode the Monorail to the resort and it sure is Grand. We had dinner at 1900 Place at the resort. Here we had dinner with Cinderella, Prince Charming, her evil stepmother and evil step sisters. Brianna even got to dance with Prince Charming! This made me so happy and my heart melted as I watched her gleaming with a smile. This dinner was a buffet and was hands down the best dinner/show experience at Disney. I ATE SO MUCH FOOD! As we were eating Brianna looked at Cinderella and said that she was the one from the castle and I was like no way there are lots of them and no way that is the same one. Turns out it was! How cool and better yet she remembered Brianna and gave her a big hug. Following dinner we were told to step outside with the manager Alex. He had received a phone call from a fairy godmother telling him of the situation. He decided that dinner would be on the house and that we should have some alone time with Cinderella and Prince Charming a rare occurrence. It was truly magical talking with them and taking photos with them. Alex even had the photos printed while we were there and had them signed by Cinderella and Prince charming. It was more than I could have ever imagined. At this point it was late and we wanted to head back to the resort and swim. We got in the pool but didn’t stay long as it was closing and the teenagers were getting crazy. We then went back to the room and decided to sleep in as we didn’t have anything planned for our last day.

Sunday April 15, 2018 (Magic Kingdom)

As we didn’t have anything scheduled till 10:30 we slept in and enjoyed a morning without any activities and without any children (maybe the best part of the trip although by this part we were starting to miss them). We headed to the park to meet with Rachel; a contact had been given to us by Disney Headquarters after my mother called several times. She took us to see Mickey Mouse, Tinkerbelle, Cinderella, Tiana, Rapunzel and Elena of Avalor. We were able to cut all the lines with Rachel and simply enjoy our time with the characters. She also gave us some free photos, some free collectors pins and some other free stuff. Oh she also took us to see Winnie the Pooh and Tigger which was great as I love Tigger. Long story short, my little sister who passed away when I was 10 loved Tigger. We took her to Disney Land before she died and she would smile and laugh around Tigger and Tigger has been my favorite character ever since. Following these visits, we had lunch and then Brianna wanted to drive! I took her to the race track where she was able to drive for the first time since the Mayo Clinic. She was definitely rough at first but she got the hang of it. Let’s just say I am glad the cars are on a track. She wasn’t that bad but I could tell she enjoyed it. Then we went and watched a show at the castle stage and then we went back to the hotel for a nap. After the nap, we went back to the park as it was raining which is perfect because then everyone leaves! We had dinner at an Italian restaurant which was really good. After dinner we did some shopping for our boys. We also did some pin trading and got some really good collector pins. We felt pretty good about that. Then we wanted to watch the firework show again but wanted better seats so we headed to the front of the castle. We met a very nice newlywed couple. Brianna stayed there while I went to ride Space Mountain one more time although it was actually 2…3 more times. Then I picked up a surprise for her. I got her a new phone case with the Disney castle on it. She loves it. As I headed back to Brianna, I got two funnel cakes, one for us and one for our new friends. We then watched both shows back to back and just sang and laughed. For once, we didn’t think about cancer, we didn’t think about what if, we didn’t think about treatment, we simply enjoyed the magical moment. For me, that made the trip totally worth it. The next morning we had to leave so it was time to head back to the hotel and finish packing then off to bed.

Monday April 16, 2018 (Home?)

We left the resort around 8 am and headed to the airport where we waited about two hours for our flight to leave. We got to Houston and ate lunch. Then we headed to College Station where my brother Brandon picked us up. He took us to our trailer but nothing was there. All of our stuff was gone! Oh did I forget to mention that we bought a house? It is across the street from my parents so we can have additional support during all of this which is a blessing. We closed the day before we left for Disney. What we didn’t know was that while we were gone, our family and friends moved all of our stuff to the new house! We headed to the new house where our family greeted us in our new home. It was such a wonderful surprise and I cannot thank each of you enough for all you have done and continue to do to serve us. Brianna is not able to take care of the kids on her own so my family and friends from church come on a daily basis to help while I am work. This has been a huge blessing for our family. I will be honest we are still working on getting the house in order but we are almost there. It is a 4 bedroom 2 ½ bath which is plenty of room for our kids to run around and love the house. The backyard is fenced in and big enough even for Watson to get tired. We love our new home and we call it the “Healing Home”.

Moving Forward

We have no idea what lies in store for us moving forward. We don’t really know what is going to happen with the cancer, with Brianna’s treatment or anything else. However, we do know that we have a good home, our family is loved and we feel blessed. Watson and Eli are the love of our lives and they bring us so much happiness. Watson is the best big brother to Eli and gives hugs and kisses all day. We have friends and family who support us and help us find strength. We continue to trust in God with all our might and we continue to believe in miracles. We can never thank you enough for your love, for your prayers and for your continued support. We are surrounded by angels on both sides of mortality. Thank you for being our angels during this time.

Lately I have been thinking about a story that was shared by one of our church leaders. Long story short, the man told of an overgrown current bush that he trimmed all the way back to have it trimmed correctly. When he did that he thought he say the bush crying and thought he heard it say “how could you do this to me? I was having such great growth. Now everything will look down upon me in the garden. I thought you were the Gardner here, how could you do this to me?” The man responded “I am the Gardner here. I know what I want you to be. You are not to be a fruit tree or tree but a current bush. And one day when you are bearing fruit you will look at me and say thank you Mr. Gardner for cutting me down. For loving me enough to hurt me”. I think of this story on a daily basis. I feel this story fits so perfectly in our life right now. It would be easy to look at God and say “How could you do this to me?” I will be honest and say there are days where I wonder why this has happened to our family at this time but I know one day we will look back and say “Thank you God for cutting us down, for loving us enough to hurt us”. We may not understand God’s purposes all the time but we know that God lives. We know that he is our Heavenly Father and we are His children. We know that His great plan is for each of us, brothers and sisters, His children to return to live with Him some day. We know that Jesus Christ lives and that by Him and through Him we can overcome not only sin but our trials and tribulations to return to live with God again. We know that these mortal experiences are for our good and allow us to become what Heavenly Father intends for us to become. We know that Families are Forever. There is no greater knowledge than knowing that Brianna and I have an eternal marriage that no matter what happens in this short mortal life that we can be united again after this life for all eternity. We know God is a God of miracles because we witness Miracles on a daily basis. We will continue to believe and trust in our Father in Heaven. May we each have the strength needed to remember who we truly are, children of a loving Father in Heaven.

With all our love,

The Geddie’s

P.s. We would like to thank the #DreamFoundation and the Lynn Geddie Foundation for helping our dreams come true.

.....that ye may see

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Yes I know that it is not actually Valentine's Day but thought I could at least share about it! We decided that it would be easier for Brianna to not be out in the crowds on Valentine’s Day so Brianna and I celebrated a day early. We went to Texas Roadhouse and had a blast. It was a lot of fun getting out of the house just the two of us! We laughed and talked and enjoyed the special evening to ourselves. The next night, Kim and Terry went out to celebrate, which meant we had the house and the boys all to ourselves. What a blast! Sometimes, when we are here just the four of us, everything feels normal and for a moment in time we don't think about all the stress that is going on. For one evening, we were able to relax and enjoy this precious time as a family! We ate dinner and then decided to have a little photo shoot (I am not a professional so don't make fun of my terrible photos). We danced to some music, read some books and then got the little ones down for bed. I have included some photos to share our exciting evening.

Treatment Update

In my last blog, I explained that Brianna had decided to use an alternative treatment called Protocel. The original plan was that Brianna would take Protocel for 6 weeks then have a scan and determine the plan of action moving forward from there. Since then we have had some updates. Kim was able to talk to someone at the Vitamin Depot where we obtained the Protocel. We found out that Protocel may actually take up to 4-8 months in order to see any results. As such, Brianna would like to wait at least 4 months before doing any scans to see how things have progressed. Brianna was originally taking Protocel 23 (one of the two options) and we found out that she should actually be taking Protocel 50 for her type of tumor so she has switched. Protocel 50 is taken every 6 hours so only 4 times a day instead of 5 times a day which makes it a little easier for her. You may think as I did, well she is taking it less which means she is getting less but Protocel 50 is said to have a higher concentration so it should equal out. Brianna also learned that she should be taking some enzymes so she has been doing that as well. We still haven't seen any signs of improvement so we will continue to hope and pray. As such, we just ask for your continued support and prayers. We feel your strength.

Surgery?!?!?!

 Some of you have already heard that Brianna had a small procedure yesterday. As most of you are aware, when all of this started, Brianna's left eyelid began to shut and has been completely closed since October. She really hasn't been able to use that eye at all. Lately, her right eye (the good eye) started showing the same symptoms. This was very concerning. In order to help Brianna see, I would tape her eye open each day and that is the only way she could really see. I felt this was not enough and she deserved a better quality of life. I asked Dr. Lindsay (Her eye doctor) what he thought and he referred us to a specialist, Dr. Durairaj (Dur-ray-raj) in Austin. Brianna traveled with my parents two weeks ago to see him and he explained that he could put in a Frontalis silicone sling for her eyelid. This would mean surgically inserting a band that would allow Brianna's eye to open more and without tape. He would attach it to her eyebrow muscles and this would allow her to have better control of her eye and still be able to close it. He told us that he felt this should happen quickly and he would rush things with the insurance company. One week later, we were informed that she would have surgery on February 24 at 11:30 am. I felt that we should go ahead and get a hotel and travel to Austin the night before and rest and enjoy some time alone as a couple. I am sure glad I made that decision because two days prior to the surgery, they called and moved her time from 11:30 am to 7:30 am and asked us to arrive at 6 am. College station is about two hours from Austin, which meant we would have left the house at 4 am!! Once again, glad we got a hotel! A couple of days before we left, I decided to really enjoy this trip with Brianna and take a bit of a drive.

For those of you who don't know, we are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Almost 5 years ago we were married in the Houston Temple. The temple is a place of worship and a sacred place for us. We believe it is a sacred place where we can go and worship Heavenly Father and feel closer to Him than anywhere else on earth. This is where we were married not only for time but also for all eternity, to be a family unit for all of time. It is a sacred place and a sacred feeling to be there. Unfortunately, when Hurricane Harvey struck Houston, the Houston Temple was flooded and is still being repaired. The next closest temple is in San Antonio. I felt that this was a rare opportunity where our boys were being watched and taken care of that we could travel the long distance without expectations of when to be back. I didn't tell Brianna where we were going on Friday and headed to San Antonio. She slept most of the way, which made it even easier to surprise her! We arrived at the temple and she told me that is where she thought we were going but was very happy! The last time we had been to the temple was while we were at the Mayo Clinic.

What a blessing it was to be in temple together again. What great peace and strength we felt. How grateful we are for temples and the blessings we receive because of them. We both felt very emotional and it was nice to just be together and leave the world behind for a few hours while we spent time together worshipping in the House of the Lord. As we entered, we were both given a wonderful surprise. The Nordin's (Jeff, Leslie, and Sam) good family friends from Houston were there as well. We decided after the temple that we would go to dinner to catch up. That was a blast. We probably took longer than we should have but we caught up and enjoyed a meal together. Again, what a wonderful feeling to enjoy the precious moments that God gives us without having to worry about all the other things in life. For that moment in time, we were able to just laugh and live and enjoy the marvelous life we have been given.

Following dinner we drove to Austin, which was about an hour and half from San Antonio. When we got to the hotel, I realized that Brianna and I are no longer that poor. What a sad hotel this was. I will never pay so low again. I may not have millions, but we have enough to have a better experience than that. The room smelled like someone had just been smoking in there, the walls were paper thin so yelling was a go, and there weren't even real pillows. I told Brianna to get our things and we were going to somewhere nicer and she reminded me it was only one night and that we would survive. If it weren’t for her saying that, we would have gone elsewhere. I have learned my lesson and will not go for the lowest bidder ever again.

We woke up at 4:45 am so we could start getting ready, pack up and get to the hospital. We arrived right at 6 and headed to the ER like we were asked to. The ER registration desk had no idea what we were supposed to do and had no idea that she was supposed to check Brianna in. Luckily another employee walked in and told her what she needed to do but then she left! The person still confused did what she thought needed to be done and had Brianna checked in. She handed me her name bracelet and asked me to put it on her. As I work in healthcare I knew I needed to verify the information on the label before putting it on Brianna, which I did. She then told us to head to the surgical waiting area. We asked where that was and she said she wasn't sure but to follow the signs in the hallway and we would get there. The maze began. It was a nightmare. It took at least 10 minutes to find our way up to the first floor and through all the hallways. We finally made it to the surgical waiting area, where the lights were off and not a person was in sight. I waited a few minutes and didn't see a soul. I started looking around and found Environmental Services personnel and asked where we could find some help. He informed us that we should just walk back into the OR prep rooms and keep walking until we found a nurse. This seemed very odd to walk back into a badge only area but that is what we did. We finally found a nurse and she said, "Oh good you found us". (Yeah Barely!).

Anyway, they prepped Brianna for the surgery and they took her back. I went down to find some food as I was hungry. As I was eating the Doctor gave me a call and informed me that everything went well and the surgery was a success. He said they were taking her back to recovery and they would call me to go back soon. I finished breakfast and headed upstairs to wait. They called me back and she was still waking up from the Anesthesia so I just talked to her to help her wake up. The nurses then gave me her bag and said to get her dressed and then they could help me take her to the care. I felt this was a little fast but I started to get Brianna ready. As I did so, she started to feel nauseated and felt a lot of pain in her eye. They gave her some pain meds a couple of times, which didn't work. They had already pulled out the IV so they had to start another one to give her a stronger dose of pain meds via IV. They informed me because they had done that; they would need to monitor her for at least another 30 minutes.

One of my old friends Big Mike (that was his nick name at Scout Camp) lives in Austin and he came to see us so we could catch up. I was talking to him no more than 15 minutes when the nurse called and said to go get my truck, as Brianna was ready to go. I knew it hadn't been 30 minutes but I went to pull it around so I could come back in and help finish getting her ready. When I pulled up, Brianna was already on the wheelchair and outside. She was as loopy as she could be and extremely nauseated. The nurse didn't seem to care as I helped her into my truck. The nurse then turned around and left. I was pretty frustrated to say the least. They doped her up on pain meds just to get her out and now it was my problem if she had pain or was extremely nauseated which would be easy considering we had a 2 hour drive home. Brianna tried to sleep the whole way home and was successful on the parts of the trip that didn't have winding roads. We finally made it home and she went inside and slept pretty much the rest of the day.

Besides the crazy experience with the hospital, Brianna is very happy with her eye. She no longer feels much pain at all and doesn't feel nauseated which is great! She is able to open it more than she has in a LONG time and that makes it much easier to see. I can tell this has lifted her spirits. Oh I meant to mention, this procedure is reversible so if they ever need to remove it, they can do so easily! She still has some healing to do but overall she is happy with the surgery and is excited to be able to use her eye more fully again.

We continue to see miracles in our lives and we have been blessed more than we could have ever imagined. We know that God lives. We know that he knows our needs and He knows us individually. We know that He is the Supreme Being and that His plan is one of Happiness. We know that our thoughts are not His thoughts and we pray that we will understand His will and accept His will. We know that Jesus is the Christ. It is through the Atonement that we can be forgiven of our sins and have the opportunity to return to live with God. Jesus Christ not only carries the burdens for our sins, but he carries our every burden. As we turn to Him in faith, we will be lifted and strengthened during this time. One of my favorite scriptures is found in the Book of Mormon. "And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions". We know that God can lift us during this time and we know that have been. We continue to put our faith and trust in God and we encourage you to do the same. May we each find the peace we are looking for and may we continue to be strengthened by the Lord.

Love,

The Geddie’s